Hey there!
Welcome to my new blog. I didn't want to bog up Anabelle's progress blog with all of the things that are on my mind so I figured I'd just make a new one. I've kind of felt like my life has turned into a construction zone. Often as Christians we tend to say that we are under construction. I believe it is on Ruth Graham's (Billy Graham's wife) gravestone it reads "End of Construction--Thank you for your patience." Lately I feel as though God has been the flagger in my "construction zone". I am plugging along (usually in a hurry) and BAM construction zone "please stop." UGH! Now I'm going to be late. And you smile lightly at the flagger when really your head is screaming "Hurry up and get out of the way so I can get home." With everything going on with Anabelle, I'm really starting to feel God telling me to stop being in such a hurry, be patient and breathe. God is standing there in the middle of the road and everything in me wants Him to move out of the way. But I know I need to rely on Him because He knows what is safest for me. I can hear Him saying "Alex, stop and enjoy these moments with you're daughter. Don't take these days for granted. Because up ahead is some rocky gravel and some heavy equipment, and if you don't stop now you may regret it." And I just don't see myself making it to the other side safely without Him.
That was probably a bad analogy but here is what I'm really trying to drive home (pun intended)... I need to stop expecting beautiful things to just happen and just start making them happen. It is very hard for me to remember the times I had with Anabelle when she could talk and not get angry that I can't communicate with her now. Same with her walking, moving and eating. It is hard for me to look at her and engage with her because I often only think about what was and not what is. God really needed to stop me and show me how much I need to accept her just the way she is now. Not how she was in the past or what she might have been without this disease but what she is now, right now. And embracing that this last week has changed my outlook on her and our situation. It is not doing her (or me, really) any favors to dwell on the "what if's?". My good friend Kindi told me this week about how her daughters always treat Anabelle like she is just another one of the girls; like she is really no different at all, and that was what I needed to hear. To accept her as she is and look past who she was. That is what I needed Him to show me and Anabelle is more beautiful now because of it.
